I hated my hair in high school. I had (still have) two cowlicks. (And yes, that is how you spell that word. Cowboys invented the word to explain to their wives why they always had hat hair. “Don’t blame my hat baby! That damn cow licked me up again!!). I have a cowlick on the front left of my head and another where my dad went bald at 27. (deep breath.)
Because my dad is bald, I knew he was clueless when it came to hair care. How can you know anything about hair if you never had any?? So, I went to my mom for help and found that she had two kinds of hair gels. I decided to use both.
Each morning, I would dampen my hair, then use a mountain of my mom’s foaming hair gel to mold my hair into position, spiking it up like Jamie Lee Curtis. After 2 minutes, it would harden and lock into place. Then, I used my mom’s hair spray to ensure my hair resembled miniature concrete cave stalagmites. Perfect.
Once I arrived at school, I ran to the bathroom to give my hair some much needed touch up from the two-mile bike ride to school. I had to be quick in front of the mirror though so that my friends did not catch me so visibly caring about my appearance.
For the rest of the day, I darted into the bathroom between periods, pushing my hair to the side, then to the other, then spiking it up again. By 7th period, I had touched my hair so much, there was barely any gel left.
Unsurprisingly, I was made fun of for using hair gel. Hair gel was not cool back then. (Although, fast forward to college, and I would find out that pomade is way different than hair gel dude.) However, I was undeterred despite the teasing because I thought having great hair would be the key to the good life. Just look at movie stars- Good hair equals fame and high self esteem.
So every morning, it was the same thing: After spending an entire 7 minutes on double gelling my hair, I carefully donned my bike helmet, slung my clarinet case over the top of my backpack (you know, to disguise myself from bullies), and deluded myself into thinking Zoe Baker would go to homecoming with a guy who took PE as seriously as Tom Brady takes his skin routine.
