Desperate To Re-Engage Trump Base, FOX News Acquires Playboy
The deal highlights the enduring affection Fox, Trump, and Trump voters have for ogling naked women.
In an industry shaking move, Fox News, the right leaning news corporation, acquired Playboy to cheer up the dejected Trump base. Fox News agreed to pay $71 million dollars for Playboy, representing, according to a Fox press release sent only to Trump donors, “The total legal votes King Trump received during November’s rigged election. It was rigged because Trump lost. The fake news media will pay!!!!!”
Fox to pay for the American men's lifestyle and entertainment magazine with donated ‘Trump University’ stock.
Fox News, known mainly as the bane of Fake News, plans to use the acquisition to make old, white men, the core of the Trump base, "happy again". Fox is also trying to counter rival Brietbart’s partnership with porn-site Brazzzers.
Fox News CEO and Leslie Knope stunt-double, Suzanne Scott, (seriously, google Suzanne Scott…) said in prepared remarks today, “I know how powerful naked women are. I know how influential naked women are. I know that naked women dramatically improve the mood of even the most conservative white men and especially the religious ones!"
In addition to uplifting the demoralized spirits of angry white men, bringing Playboy to Fox News is good business. Young people have flocked to social media sites, like Facebook and Tik Tok. However, Fox News expects the Playboy deal to increase traffic from adolescent boys. “These naked women will excite a whole new customer base!”
The all-stock deal for Playboy, announced today, would be the second acquisition this month for Fox News. Just last week, Fox News paid an undisclosed amount for an envelope reading “TOP SECRET: Evidence on Biden’s Cheating!!!!” from Russian Dictator Vladimir Putin. Sources say the envelope contained a secret shredded note. At press-time, Fox News star Hannity was still excitedly gluing the shredded pieces together, saying, “Almost there, almost there!!”
Fox and Playboy said the Playboy deal will be completed by December 2020. Donald Trump Jr. is in charge of conducting the “post-acquisition diligence” on Playboy staff, while AG Bill Bar is overseeing the secret payoffs.