What a fucking week guys, wow.
On election night, in a huge lapse in judgment, I cheated on Nicole, in a dream she had. I felt terrible and I promised her it would not happen again. But when you do something that spineless, there are going to be consequences. Karma always prevails.
Thus, my shoulder dislocated the following day while surfing.
It had been about an hour and a half since my shoulder initially dislocated. I was driving southbound with my phone precariously balancing on my leg, Google mapping me towards the hospital. Nicole, who had graciously forgiven me by this time (okay okay I’m kidding, neither of us would ever actually get mad at the other for something that happened in a dream), called me to confirm something about my health insurance. To take her call, I had to drive with my knee and use my non-dislocated arm to answer the phone. Wait, But Chris, why didn’t you use speaker phone? If you would have used speaker phone, then you could have used your good left hand to drive as opposed to endangering the public by driving with your knee.
Well smart and concerned reader that sounds like Mom, thank you for that astute point. However, that would not have worked for me because I happen to have a money complex and my phone’s exterior volume has not worked for the past six, nine, maybe twelve months. I really need to buy a new phone. Hopefully I’ll get one this weekend. Or maybe next. Twelve months can pass quickly when you procrastinate.
Camila- we should probably add that to The List of things to fix in my brain.
I went surfing because James Jackson was in town with his brother and his friend. The four of us decided to surf Trestles, a famous surf spot in San Clemente. Surfing pros describe the wave as “highly rippable”. I would describe the wave as “not-as-rippable”.
Despite my long new San Diego locks, I am not a surfer. I have surfed maybe eight times in my life. Also, you may know that my shoulders are weaker than Applebee’s Dollaritas. I have dislocated my right shoulder at least 5 or 6 times.
There was a crowd of surfers at Trestles and because of my newbie-ness, I was hanging in the back. Surf etiquette is important, and I did not want to get punched. However, because I was in the back, I happened to be in the perfect position to ride the biggest waves in each set. I let a bunch go at the beginning. But my ego started to feel bruised. I tried catching one and stood up but bailed after a few seconds. Then I got another one and rode it on my knees. Then, the biggest wave of the day came. I started paddling, but then, at the point of no return, I tried to bail. I flung my arms up, completely starfished, and POP!
Fuck. Shoulder’s out.
The moments immediately after a dislocation are critical. Ideally, you want to pop it in as soon as possible because the longer you wait, the more painful it becomes. The key to successfully getting your shoulder in, is to completely relax. A tall task when you cannot move your arm and are freaking out. But if you are too tight, it will not go back in.
I called over the boys. All three came paddling over. I felt so grateful not to be alone. Trestles is about a mile walk from the road. The waves themselves crash on rocks, not sand, which is un-ideal for an easy paddle in.
The guys immediately did some triage. First step, we got out of the wave impact zone. We paddled further out, past the crashing waves. Then, we tried to put the shoulder in. The boys crossed the four surfboards together like Lincoln Logs to create a stable base for me to climb aboard. Once I was on the surfboard, I dangled my shoulder to let Brandon move the shoulder back in place.
Between the two of us, we had dislocated our shoulders about 10 times so we kind of knew what we were doing. Kind of.
Brandon, who I had known for a collective two hours, started gently pulling my arm down, up, and to the side. James and his brother Austin were on big wave lookout and would call out when we needed to paddle further out. The surfboards were rocking around, water was coming into my nose. Relaxing was difficult.
We worked on it for about 30 minutes, but it was starting to get dark and nothing was working. I was cold and tense which is the opposite state I needed to be in. We began the journey back to shore. Austin put my surfboard on top of his and started paddling ashore. Brandon and James police-escorted me back as I scissor kicked my way in. We got lucky and had a lull in the waves.
Walking back to the car, the pain started getting real. Brandon was calling urgent care clinics but clinic after clinic kept saying they would not take a shoulder dislocation. WTF??
Most people hear that dislocations hurt. In my experience, the initial dislocation itself does not hurt much. However, if the shoulder stays out for longer than 30/40 minutes, then it starts to hurt. A lot. By the time I got to my car, drove to a clinic Nicole found in Oceanside, and started the check in process, it had been over 2 hours.
The hospital made me get x-rays to ‘confirm it was a dislocation’ (it was…). If you go to a hospital, they must do everything “correctly” so they don’t get sued. By the way, I was still in my wetsuit and flip flops.
After x-rays, Dr. Pfeiffer walked in with his team to put me back together. Dr. Pfeiffer had legend energy. He was short, walked with a limp, but had a confident voice that made me feel like he could bring roadkill back from the dead. He asked me to relax. Then, in one gentle motion, he pulled my arm sideways, then up, then lifted his left leg, jammed his heel into my side for leverage, and then POP, shoulder was back.
I yelled in excitement, “Pfeiffer!! My guy!!” Maybe not the most professional thing to yell, but I was excited.
Nicole made me hot chocolate that night. It was the best hot chocolate we have ever had. I may have shoulder surgery, again, which sucks, but it is probably for the best. The recovery will take a while so no more surfing for the time being.
The election week has been exhausting. I am hopeful that Biden has it in the bag. We still have a lot of conversations to have with people. Trumpism is far from over. I think it has only begun.
But this is a big win and we should celebrate. I hope you have a great weekend everybody. Miss you all, love you.
LFG baby!!
