Need a rebound? Check out these 7 totally bangable mechanics!!
For everybody not hot enough to bang firefighters, try mechanics! Mechanics are growing in bangability because police officers are now completely off limits!!
Mechanics are smart, good with their hands, and totally bangable! With a mechanic, you can get your oil changed and get your oil changed.
Here is a helpful guide to find the right mechanic for you!
The Big Beard
This is a rugged look for a rugged man. No problem is too difficult for this artisan of car repair. He takes on the big challenges like those pesky check engine lights all while ensuring his greasy facial hair is ready to tune you up. Not only is he dirtier than a Brooklyn barista, but he totally could have changed your flat tire in the middle of the night last month when your ex-boyfriend had to call AAA! Why not rotate your tires with this bearded master of brake pads and bang him!
The Liberal
A rare find if you believe the mainstream media coverage of mechanics. He is college educated and believes women have the brain capacity to understand cars! When working the front desk, he looks female customers in the eyes, asks for their opinions and votes democrat! Remember when it was midnight and your ex boyfriend did not know how to change that tire and you waited three hours for AAA?? Don’t you wish this quick-witted grease monkey was at your side chatting about the latest Chrissy Teigen tweet?? Get this handsy garage rat’s pants off and watch him work that wrench!
The Classic
This mechanic on the other hand does not believe women know how to fix cars and will treat you like trash. But according to your twitter retweets, you already think you are trash! Plus this misogynist motor man can give you and your besties much to discuss over your weekly Zoom after he upgrades you in the streets and degrades you in the sheets. He may not respect you, but doesn’t that usually lead to the best sex?? No? At least he could have changed that stupid tire last month instead of getting stuck on the side of the road with your incompetent idiot ex who is literally good for absolutely nothing.
The Newbie
Fresh faced and actually your age! Grandmas adore him and he is the perfect age to constantly be asked, “How old are you?” by everyone! This freshman fender boy is sweet and actually calls his customers in the middle of a repair to politely ask if they want the more expensive or the less expensive part installed. Although he will soon turn into a capitalist monster who only cares about the bottom line, bumping bumpers with a man with his communication skills will make you the envy of all your friends! This mechanic has the boyish charm you love, with the knowledge of how to change a fucking tire unlike your worthless piece of absolute shit philosophy major ex-boyfriend!
The Quiet
He doesn’t talk a lot and actually, come to think of it, you have literally never heard his voice. But that did not stop you from giving him the keys to your Ford Fiesta and looking at his dreamy eyes covered by his swarthy eyebrows. You may never know what his voice sounds like, but you'll certainly know what his tongue feels like if you bring him home! And holy fucking shit would this man know how to change a tire in the middle of the night on highway 5 so that you did not have to stay in that dingy Motel 6! Motels are so unpleasant!!
The Bro
He grew up in San Diego and has a strong sinewy frame, the tan you always wanted, and the vocabulary of an eighth grader. So totally bangable brah!! This bro paddles out every morning and actually surfs before his shift. Isn’t having a hobby other than collecting porcelain figurines hot?? As a massive bonus, this Moses of motors would definitely have known how to change a tire, even though it was dark and cold outside! So send it sister and surf on this man’s screwdriver because why not!?
Your Ex’s Dad
Oh shit! If you’re lucky enough to catch the Daddy of them all, your ex’s dad is an acceptable, but undeniably controversial rebound ride! Your ex will likely be upset when he finds out you banged his dad. In fact, this fateful night may completely alter the future of this family’s compatibility! But just remember, it is Derek’s own fault for not realizing his dad is super bangable! There is nothing hotter than an actual dad who can fix your car. And nothing less hot than a man who does not know how to change a tire even though HIS DAD IS A FUCKING MECHANIC.